Don't Let Go
by onelightshining
Summary: This story takes place within the season finale, episode 2:22, What happens when Avery finds out about Juliette's misdemeanour with Jeff?


Warning: Spoilers from Season 2 finale and sexual content.

This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction so any feedback will be greatly appreciated.

_Chapter 1_

_ZAG are coming to the end of their set that they are playing at an event for Sober House, the charity that Deacon supports. They prepare to play the final song, 'One Light Shining', penned by Avery Barkley, for his girlfriend Juliette Barnes. Avery searches the audience for her, from stage, but she is nowhere to be seen._

Avery looked towards his bandmates, as he prepared to introduce their final song. As he looked back to the audience and began searching again, he failed to see the worried exchange between his other two bandmates, Zoey and Gunnar. He knew that he and his girlfriend had been having troubles lately, but he had asked her to be there. He had explicitly told her to be there, that it was imperative. He felt hurt at the realisation that she may have snubbed his request.

Or maybe he just couldn't see her. Maybe she was tucked away somewhere, so as not to be seen. Yes, maybe that was it. Or maybe there was something else. She had been so distant lately. He still felt that she loved him, but he had sensed something was wrong. It had all gone wrong since he had begun producing his ex-girlfriend's album. A decision that they had both made together, but that he was now wondering if he was going to live to regret. Recently things had gone from bad to worse.

"Ok, thanks to everyone for listening. You've been a great audience tonight. We're now going to sing a song for you, called "One Light Shining." This song is very special to me, as I wrote it for a very special girl, and I really hope she is in the audience tonight. Here we go…"

The song started up, and the whole time he sang it he was so distracted. But despite the fact that he combed every face in front of him with his eyes, he couldn't see her. He became frantic. He threw everything into that song, that performance. All the love he felt for her in every syllable he sang, every note that he played. Passion filled his whole body, and there was a hint of pain, just lapping at the edges_. _He knew that if there was something keeping her away from hearing this song, with all his feelings on display, that it was undoubtedly the same thing keeping her from him for the past week. She had once again built up her defences against him, and she was hiding from him. Those defences that he had already managed to breach once. And staying true to his song, he vowed he would do so again, if that's what he had to do.

The song finished, and the crowd cheered. His bandmates smiled at one another and then to him, and he could see clearly that it was tinged with sympathy.

Once off stage he bumped into Deacon, who congratulated him on the performance and offered to buy him a drink, of the non-alcoholic kind.

"No thanks, Deacon. Tell me, did you happen to see Juliette here tonight?"

"Yes, I sure did. I spotted her in her I'm-not-Juliette-Barnes hat, right at the back there but I can't see her now."

"You happen to see her reaction to the song?" Avery was desperate to know more and Deacon sensed his anguish.

"Everything ok between you two?"

"Well to be honest with you, I'm not entirely sure. She's been really distant lately. I guess you could say I'm worried about our relationship…and her…"

"Well, she certainly looked entranced by the song, but it was pretty dark. I was just passing. I didn't talk to her or anything. Go and find her, and talk it out. You need to get to the bottom of it. If anyone can, you can."

Avery checked his phone for the 100th time and decided he should just stop worrying and call her. He was so exasperated when it went straight to voicemail. He left a message for her to call him, even though he knew she probably wouldn't return the call. He searched the rest of the venue and she was nowhere to be seen. He finally made his way out front to see if he could see her car. He scanned the parking lot and spotted Gunnar and Zoey packing up. He made his way over to them.

"Hey, we have your stuff. We wondered where you got to."

"Thanks" he said, and begun loading into his own car that was parked up next to Gunnar's.

"Have you seen Juliette?" he asked. Still looking around, willing himself to find her.

Gunnar started to speak and Zoey glared at him.

"I er…need to tell you something…"

"What? Is it about Juliette?"

Gunnar looked at Zoey and looked back to Avery quickly. He braced himself.

"I know something about Juliette that I think you should know, but you're not going to like it."

"What? What is it? Do you know why she has been acting so distant with me? Why she didn't wait around after the show?"

Avery walked up to Juliette's home. All the glamour and glitz of the style and location did nothing to impress him, but all that Juliette had been through and overcome to get it certainly did. He was so proud of her. But now he knew. Gunnar had told him what he had seen and at once, the root of her recent behaviour had suddenly presented itself. It had revealed so much about the past few weeks that he felt both overwhelmed and relieved. However, at face value it had shattered him to the core. He could feel every inch of him clinging to what they had for dear life. No wonder she hadn't told him. He could see the surface of what had occurred, but then he looked deeper. Psychologists had nothing on him when it came to this girl. He knew her and it was almost like he was inside her head. Sometimes he wondered if he knew her better than she knew herself. At times, it certainly felt like it.

But recent events had allowed him to become distracted, and he did not doubt what a huge part that had played in her recent downturn. For that he felt grave pain. Knowing that he had contributed to that was what hurt him the most.

Now here he was standing in front of her front door. It would be so easy to just walk right in. He had a key after all. But knowing her fragile state, and that those defences were now firmly up again, he sensed it was best to be allowed in, as opposed to forcing his way in. He took a deep breath and knocked at the door.

He stood waiting, but there was no sign of her. He took a deep breath in and let it out again, slow. She was definitely in. Her car was in the drive and he could see the steady glow of light creeping out of the gaps in the tightly drawn curtains. He knocked again, he paused and knocked again, getting louder and more persistent. He called out.

"Juliette, it's me, are you there?"

A short time after, he finally heard her on the other side, unlocking the door. It slowly opened and she peered out from behind. At last he had got to see her. It felt like an eternity that he had been trying to find her. Her small frame was shrouded in a silk mid length dressing gown, her slender legs exposed beneath the hem. Her blonde hair she wore loose around her shoulders and her face was make-up free. He looked at her, took all of her in, and realised she had been crying.

"Hey, you." She said quietly.

"Hey. Can I come in?" he asked softly.

"Sure." She said. "How come you didn't use your key?" she asked.

"Well I wasn't sure I should. I don't know. I wasn't sure if you'd want me to just come in."

She didn't respond, and Avery felt worried as he followed her to the sofas. She sat down and he sat next to her.

"Did you like the song? I didn't see you but Deacon said he saw you there." He held his breath.

She smiled weakly. "It was a beautiful song. It was perfect." She hesitated. "But…but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. You're too good for me. "

"Juliette, I want you to tell me what's wrong." He urged her to tell him. He wondered whether he should just put her out of her misery. After all, he knew. He could see all of her suffering now before him. He could see all her guilt and her pain at what she had done. Again he felt his own guilt, there right in his gut. His own guilt and his own pain, because he had inadvertently hurt her, and that had led to her hurting herself.

She looked up at him with tear filled eyes, and he watched as the emotion bubbled up inside her and erupted out of her, spilling her tears down her already tear stained face. She scrunched up her face, as though to cry was causing her more physical pain. She put her face in her hands and let out uncontrollable sobs. He couldn't hold back, as tears slid down his own face, silently.

"Juliette." He couldn't bear it any longer. He gently pulled her hands away from her face and she looked up at him. He handed her some tissues from nearby. As she cried into the tissues, wiping the tears away he put his hand on her bare legs and rubbed them affectionately.

"I know what happened." He said. His stomach was in knots. He just didn't know how this was going to go, and it terrified him.

She looked up, confused. "What? How, I mean, what do you know? How do you know?"

"I know that something happened between you and Jeff. Did something happen?"

Her face crumpled into agony and she started to cry again. Through stifled cries she said

"I've ruined everything. You were always too good for me, and now I've proved it." Her cries slowed but her hands were clenched tightly. She was so tense.

"Tell me what happened." He said, fighting the emotion as he spoke.

So she told him. Told him the short conversation that occurred before and that they had had sex. He could see the disgust in her face, and he could see the hatred for what she had done.

He felt mad. Mad at her, mad at Jeff and mad at himself. But he knew she hated Jeff, and therefore she had to have been punishing herself. It was so obvious to him now, what had made her do it. He felt heartbroken that she had been pushed that far.

"I'm so sorry Avery. I've made a huge mistake, and I've wrecked everything. I hate myself for hurting you." She looked lost, heartbroken and he could see how sorry she was.

He was hurting, but what was hurting more was how much she was hurting. Everything was a mess but all he could think about was how much he loved her and how much he wanted to take all of her pain away. It was just like his song, and he meant every word that he sang. He wanted to protect her from all of this, he wanted to be the person she could depend on, to love her no matter what she had done.

"Juliette, I know that this is bad. Really bad, but I also know that you do stupid things when you are hurting. I really wish you hadn't, I wish you would have just come to me and talked to me and told me how you were feeling. I mean, you must know how much I love you? How much I would do anything for you?" He trailed off as her eyes looked up at him and he could see a flash in her eyes that he recognised well. Immediately he tensed up, as she locked her eyes on his.

"I did try and talk to you, but you were too tired. You stuck up for Scarlett, you pushed me away and then you left. I tried to find you to talk it out, I wanted to apologise and try and explain. I went to your apartment to try and find you. I stayed all night, then I went to the hospital and then I found you had slept there and…" she hesitated, biting on her lip and looking away.

"What?" he asked, but then he realised. It all suddenly came rushing at him, and hit him, what she had heard, and evidently, most definitely had misconstrued.

"I heard you and Scarlett talking about how she would never love anyone like she loved you and you replying that she would always have a piece your heart." Her voice broke on the last word, and so did his heart. Fresh tears tumbled down her face and she buried her face in her hands.

He pulled her close to him, and felt her small shaking body as she sobbed. She was so tense but as he fought to hold onto her, she suddenly gave in and melted into him and he rested his head on hers.

"I just wanted her to know that she mattered, that's all. She was going through a tough time, she was vulnerable and I do still care for her. But just as friends. I can't change that she was my first love, it was just first love stuff. Believe me when I say, that was nothing but closure. I treated her so bad when we were together. I still carry a lot of guilt about that." He was trying hard to keep his head, but he could feel himself on the edge.

Juliette pulled away, just enough to look up at him, but his arms remained tightly wrapped around her.

"You do remember that you are my first love, don't you?" she said, quietly, he could see she was thinking things over.

"But did you ever doubt my love for you?" he asked, genuinely intrigued.

She looked at him thoughtfully. "Honestly, yes I did doubt it. You never said it. Ever. Not until at my place, after…you know." She looked away, uncomfortably. He could see her eyes welling up again.

"To be honest, I don't really understand why you would. So yes, I doubted it constantly. Then with events after Scarlett's breakdown, everyone was down on me. I felt so alone, and I needed you. But you were busy with Scarlett. Then we had that fight, and what I heard at the hospital…" She couldn't look at him, she was lost.

He couldn't hold back any longer. His emotions erupted and with tears streaming down his face he interrupted her.

"I'm so sorry that I didn't make my feelings clear. I do love you, and I have loved you for a long time. I guess I thought I would show you what it was like to be loved instead of tell you. I knew you had a bad vision of what love was, and I was worried I would wreck everything between us if I told you too soon." His tears continued to fall silently.

"I'll tell you every day from now on if it helps?" he said, smiling through his tears.

She looked up at him, startled.

"But…you can't still want to be with me? Not after…" She looked at him, incredulously.

"Did you hear the song I wrote or you?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"Yes…but…" she stammered.

"Juliette, I'm sure you think that there is nothing worse for me, to know you have done this. But, truth be told, losing you would be so much worse, particularly knowing the part I played. I am so sorry for that." He wiped his tears away, and then hers.

"I still love you. That hasn't changed. I really want to get past this. It's not going to be easy, for either of us, I know. But, I meant what I said. We are in this together and I want to be with you and help you overcome this need to hurt yourself. You need to know…you are worth loving." He emphasised the last sentence with all his might.

She continued to stare at him in disbelief.

"Avery, but…I mean how can you even trust me again?" she stammered.

He looked at her thoughtfully.

"I guess all I can do is trust my instinct. My instincts are telling me that you made a mistake and you regret it. I know that you love me, and I know you don't want to jeopardise us, especially since you now know how that feels, to have made that mistake and what could have happened to us because of it."

"You are amazing, you know that? You are just an amazing guy." She sighed and looked down again, pondering.

"As for not knowing why I love you. I can answer that easily. You are the bravest, strongest and most amazing person I have ever met. I can't help but love you." He said truthfully, at the same time, silently scolding himself for not saying this to her sooner.

"I can't let you do this." She said, regretfully.

"What do you mean?" he said confused.

"I mean, I'm not good for you. You deserve someone better, I don't know, Scarlett or someone. I'm bad news."

"Are you listening to me at all?" he said, getting exasperated.

"I don't want Scarlett. We are over. I'm in love with you. I love you. It's you I belong with." He desperately threw all his emotions out there, for her to see. He needed her to see it all. He wasn't going to lose her, he couldn't. It wasn't an option.

She sighed. "I need some time, to think things over."

He looked crushed, but he only faltered for a second.

"You take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere. I am here for you, always." He squeezed her hand. He didn't want to let go.

He hugged her close and gave her a gentle kiss on her mouth. She closed her eyes and he felt her melt into him. He could feel her fighting things to go further. She needed him now more than ever.

"Are you going to be ok?" he asked softly.

"Yes." She said, simply. She half smiled as both of them looked at each other. The look they had shared so many times, of pure love.

"I guess you want me to go then." He said, as he reluctantly got to his feet.

"Yes, I just want some time alone." She said.

"Ok. I'll see you soon." He kissed her on the top of the head and walked out the door. He hesitated as he got to the front door.

"Bye Juliette." He called.

"Bye." She called back, he could hear her voice breaking with emotion again.

"I'll call you." She said firmly.

Avery sat in The Bluebird, watching his friends, Scarlett and Gunnar performing together. He smiled. Once upon a time he would have had a problem with them being together. They had all come so far, and in doing so, had secured deep friendships, united by their love of music. Avery just didn't see Scarlett in that way anymore. She wasn't even dating Gunnar, but there was an unbelievable chemistry between them, particularly when they performed. No one could deny that. It certainly made their performances all the more special.

Avery glanced at his phone, trying to pretend to himself that it wasn't something that he was doing too frequently. He didn't realise he had company.

"Are you expecting a call there, Avery?" a familiar voice brought him back to The Bluebird, and temporarily away from thinking about the woman he loved, and worrying that she was slowly slipping away from him.

"Hey there, Deacon. I was just…y'know, checking." He awkwardly stuffed his phone back in his pocket and then took a swig from his drink.

Deacon joined him at the table. He wore a warm smile on his face, but his eyes were bathed in sympathy.

"Let me guess. Juliette right?" he gave a small laugh, but the sympathy remained.

"She hasn't called since I left, that night. Has she spoken to you?" Avery asked, wondering if she had confided in Deacon. They were close friends, after all.

"I've seen her a couple of times. She's quite distant though. Not talking much. You know how she closes herself off." Deacon said, knowingly.

"I just wish she would talk to me. I hate this. I don't want to lose her for good. "

Deacon looked thoughtful. "Well I have many regrets in my life, and failing Rayna, and losing her, all those years ago was probably one of the biggest."

"Yeah, well, I can't make her do anything. Can I? I mean this is Juliette we are talking about. Once she has made her mind up…"

Deacon blew out his cheeks and grinned. "Yes, she's a stubborn little thing, for sure. "

He continued. "But, if any one can get through to her you can. Your strong connection is undeniable."

"She has definitely let her guard down, many a time with me. Y'know, let me see her, the real her. That's one of the reasons I fell for her. We know each other so well, and we understand each other."

Avery blushed as he realised he was possibly disclosing too much.

But really he was thinking things through, and slowly he was devising a plan, without even realising it.

"Well, she obviously hasn't made up her mind yet, has she?" Deacon said, with a sparkle in his eyes.

Meanwhile, little did Avery and Deacon know, that Rayna had called in on Juliette, to see how she was doing. Regardless of the turbulent nature of their relationship, Rayna did care for Juliette and she was one of her artists and she needed to look out for her. She was aware of everything that she had going on, and she felt she should make her support known. After Scarlett's break down, she wasn't taking any chances.

The two women sat at the table in Juliette's house having a glass of wine. Juliette wasn't talking much, and Rayna was worried at how withdrawn she was becoming.

"Juliette, why don't you just call him? I mean it is so obvious you are both missing each other. It just seems ridiculous! You both want to be together, but you're steering clear of each other? I mean I understand what has gone on, but you are both miserable!"

Juliette smiled at Rayna, weakly. Everything she said was spot on. Well, on how Avery was feeling she would have to take Rayna's word for it, as she hadn't seen him to know.

"I'm scared." She said, simply.

"Of screwing up again?" said Rayna, gently.

"Yes. 'Cause lets face it, I don't have a great track record." Juliette said glumly.

"But you've come so far, honey. Surely you can see that?" Rayna was beginning to see all the hurt deep inside this girl. She wondered if she would ever fully understand the pain she had been through growing up.

"I guess. But I really don't want to hurt Avery again, and I don't want to feel like that again, y'know, knowing that I had wrecked everything so important to me?"

Rayna nodded. "Is it not worth the gamble though? Knowing that you have something so special? I mean you can be totally honest with him. Tell him how you feel. I really regret not giving Deacon another chance back in the day. I wish I had been able to find the strength. But the truth is I just couldn't. Being pregnant with Maddie, that was my priority. But I always wonder. What if? You know? I know Deacon has huge regrets and truth is we are both hurting from many years of those regrets, deep inside us, and what life could have been for us. All those years we spent, not together. What a life we could have had. I mean I did love Teddy, but Deacon and I are soulmates. I feel like I let him down and he feels like he let me down. Neither of us had the strength. But I don't see that with you two. You are strong and brave and I really feel you have the strength to get through this…you're a fighter. You have had to be a fighter all your life, and this is worth fighting for. You have got to ask yourself. What could you not live without? Because I can guarantee, its not your career."

Juliette looked at Rayna. All sorts of emotions had been evoked within her, listening to her mentor talk. She had never thought she would hear such words of encouragement and support from her and she was truly taken aback by her acknowledgement of her fighter spirit, and how she spoke so warmly of her.

She was so amazed, that she didn't really know what to say.

Rayna continued chatting for a short time after that, mainly about Highway 65 stuff. Then she left Juliette to her thoughts and went home.

Juliette lay in bed staring up at the dark above her. She couldn't sleep. Her thoughts were racing. Rayna's words, Avery's words to her the night he found out and her own thoughts. All mixed in to the mess that was her life. She felt so alone. A tear ran down her cheek as she considered what life would be like if she hadn't done what she had done and then to how her life was now. She was still so mad with herself. She turned over and placed her hand across Avery's side of the bed. Her heart was hurting. She let out a small sob, as she thought about how many times she had woke in the night to find him holding her close, how many times she had snuggled up to him, how right it had always felt being near him, even before they were together. She calmed and bathed herself in their good memories, and smiled, despite her heartbreak.

Then she heard it. It started softly, then got louder. A knocking at the door. She glanced at the clock. It was 2am. 2am? Seriously? For a minute her heart began to pound, but then she sat bolt right up. Surely it wasn't him? She suddenly felt her heart fluttering in anticipation and she got out of bed and trotted to her front door.

"Juliette, it's Avery." His voice was quiet and low.

She hesitated. Was she really ready to talk now? Not really, but would she ever be ready to face up to this?

"Avery, I said I would call you when I was ready." She called through the door, her voice breaking with nerves. She wasn't sure she had it in her to turn away from him this time. She wanted him so much.

"Baby, please just open the door." His voice sounded pleading, and her heart responded.

She pulled open the door, and there he was, standing in front of her. She looked him over slowly, taking all of him in, she had missed his presence so much that she felt overwhelmed. He was within her reach, so close.

He took a deep breath and looked longingly at her as he spoke.

"Not so long ago, the most amazing girl, who I didn't think I had a chance with, turned up at my door at 2am to tell me that she loved me. The same girl who also once told me that she didn't believe in love. Unfortunately her declaration was interrupted and I had to stand by as she walked away. I was blown away that she had finally dropped her defences for me to see her, completely and also that she loved me. I stood by and had to watch her leave, knowing the pain that the interruption must have caused her. I felt lost because I had to fight everything in me not to run after her and say it back to her. I was trying to be a decent guy but I was completely torn. "

Their eyes remained locked as he continued.

"I finally made things right and it lead to the most amazing, beautiful relationship I have ever experienced. But I messed up by not being there for her and not telling her how much I love her and unfortunately this led to her making a mistake too. I'm now standing here, telling her all of this because I need her to know that all I want is to be the person that gets to hear her say I love you, and I want to love her right back and tell her every day. I want to be the person that stops all the pain and hurting within her and helps her to overcome her demons. I want to be the one that she goes to, whatever is thrown at her, and I want to be the one that is waiting for her in the wings when she performs, and be the one that, regardless of where life takes her, to be there by her side. "

He stopped, as the tears streamed down both of their faces. Then he saw it, all her beauty before him, shrouded with sheer happiness and her beaming smile. He couldn't wait any longer, he swept her up in his arms, and kicked the door to close it. They kissed passionately, desperately, as their time apart had so intensified their need for each other. He felt her hands caressing the back of his neck as she pulled his head down, and he pressed his mouth firmly on hers.

Without speaking a word, and their lips still locked together, he carried her to the bedroom where he gently lay her on the bed, smothering her face, neck and chest in kisses as she pulled him on top of her. It had been so long and he drank in the scent of her. His senses were going wild. The touch of her smooth skin, the silkiness of what she was wearing. He kissed her on the mouth again, pushing her tongue with his own. He could hear her small, quiet gasps as his kisses grew more intense. He pulled her little camisole over her head and placed a kiss on each breast, and and gently worked each nipple with his hand. He wanted to kiss everything, he had missed all of her and he wanted to show her just how much, and how much he loved her. He continued kissing her, down her chest and on to her tummy. He hovered over the top of her shorts, teasing her, as his kisses traced the waistband.

"Don't you dare stop there." she moaned, throwing her head back and giving him a playful shove, sending him further down her body, which rose to meet him as he hovered above her.

Their eyes stared at each other, with his eyes full of mischief he suddenly grabbed a hold of her shorts and pulled them down and cast them aside. He continued his trail of kisses, this time from each foot, up each leg and then up each thigh. He got closer to the place where she was willing him to go. She was getting so wet. The anticipation was building. She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on for.

"Avery, please." She whimpered.

Complying with her plea, he gently moved up, kissing her the whole time, very slowly. He finally got to the top of her thigh and then finally began work on her clit. She gasped as he worked his tongue on her. She couldn't wait any longer, she just wanted him.

"Please, Avery it's been too long. I need you." She sounded breathless, and it drove him wild for him to hear how much she was desperate for him

He stripped off, revealing that he was all ready to go. They looked at each other, so much love in their eyes, as he slowly moved down on top of her. They were soon entangled, moving with each other, so much love and passion emanating from every pore. Their kisses were hot and sensual. He sucked on her tongue, making her moan. They both hit climax simultaneously as they stared into each other's eyes.

Juliette had never experienced sex like this with anyone else, only him. He knew this too, and he loved that he was the only one that she had been able to fall in love with. He connected with her on so many levels, so much depth and understanding in their love, he too felt that he had never experienced anything like this.

As they lay there, wrapped up in each other's arms, she rested her head on his chest. There was a sense of peace about them. Juliette knew that this was as good as it got. She was so overwhelmed by their love, and how amazing she felt being with him. He was so content in her presence. He knew she was capable of doing crazy things, and that she could hurt them both again. But he had to give her another chance. He believed in her, he always had, and he was where he belonged.

He was just drifting off into a post sex sleepy haze, thinking how wonderful everything was, when Juliette rolled over and spread herself on top of him, pushing up on to her hands, pressing her face up to his. As he kissed her on the nose she asked seductively. "You want to go again?"

He laughed as he spotted that gleam in her eye, that he knew so well. She was back. His friend, his lover, his soulmate.

His response didn't surprise her, as he raised his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"What do you think?"


End file.
